Supplication for the heart

Oh Allah…the king of all kings, the first and the last, the Knower of all,
Please protect my heart…
I pray for a heart

That..
Only fears you and loves you,
Only beats to please you and make you smile,
Only feels unsatisfied if it hasn’t been In rememberence of you,
Is as pure as a human heart can be,
Is cleansed of black spots caused by its sins,

Which..
has its repentance accepted and is forgiven with ease,
Is in jihad for you, with you and because of you,
Is soft, gentle and only speaks good words,

Who’s…
heart skips a beat when it hears your name, heart trembles when it remembers your punishments,
Heart smiles when it remembers your encompassing mercy,
Heart is heavy on the scales bursting with good deeds,
Heart is pure, pious and righteous in all its actions and intentions,
Heart sleeps to remember you and wakes to worship you,
Heart is free from hatred, negativity and envy,
Heart is content with your plans the good and the bad,
Heart Is filled with the sweetness of imaan (faith),

A heart that is..
Certain. Framed with tawwakul,
Strong. Flowing with sabr,
Guaranteed Imaan. Beating peacefully, preserved it’s it’s tablet of deen,
Conscious with Taqwa. Knowing one day it shall be returned to yourself, الله عز وجل
the most gracious the most high,
The owner of hearts.

Ameen.

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The Pain

There are many types
You learn them as you experience them
You get to know the difference (when you experience them multiple times)
The pain it always hurts
Each time a new kind of hurt that you never quite experienced before
It is unique in its delivery and can leave you changed
And Sometimes pain be the cure and the cause…
The pain owns lots of different names,
Heartbreak, healing, destruction, isolation,
To list a few,
The pain is always fresh and ready to serve it’s purpose,
It comes and it goes and can return unexpectedly, like a friend you’ve never seen before or shall I say an enemy u never knew u had…
It can leave u with side effects: paranoi, weakness, confusion, delusion, the list can go on…

The prescription doesn’t exist, On paper at least

because the prescription is something far greater than paper,

it’s weightless yet all encompassing,

invisible yet present,

merciful yet fearful,

And that prescription is God. إله‎

Life

As you know it,
As we know it,
Like God knows it.
Do we even own it?
Who even owns it?
God owns it.
He created it and only he can destroy it.
What is the meaning of life?
Why do we have a life?
Only God knows the what and the why.
It feels like a game of Monopoly, with a significant difference.
The players actually exist, the events, the circumstances, the past, present and future, the wins and the losses…
So what do we learn at the end of the game?
It isn’t really a game at all- it’s real
and      it’s     called……. LIFE.

The Hijab

A scarf, a piece of cloth, a cover, a veil.

You long for something so much but Shaytan continues to own it.

Break through those shackles,

why is it so hard to tackle?

Freewill dictates, you can do what you like but you still end up not doing exactly what you want

The vicious cycle of:

Needs V Desires while Wants V Haves…

Each day becoming more difficult than the next, it hasn’t gotten easier because you haven’t hit the storm, haven’t gone through it to get to the other side;

Allah swt says, ” With hardship comes ease,” you know that means with not before but still you hesitate to enter the hardship.

Instead you stand still, frozen, buried-deep in walls of denial, no light at the end except a vision of you departing…to somewhere unknown.

You ask yourself why-since when did the focus become the people of dunya rather than the creator of all-including this dunya!

You ask yourself why-you try to fight the fight and yet the ego still grows, that invisible cloak of arrogance standing behind your weakness.

Whispers from Shaytan, “Your beautiful this way; stay, or you’ll be hated”….waswas growing stronger as procrastinating becomes your new status.

You ask yourself why-this piece of cloth, such a small thing yet so significant can cause such a heartache in your little life.

Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى given this cloth status-it’s the honour of a woman, a secret treasure. Could this lead to your ultimate pleasure? Call it your protection, your cover, your seal of safety, a barrier to the many doors of fitnah…you know-you know-but you still don’t grow, sitting there thinking to & fro…

You try your best, you make the intention, you pre-empt all the outcomes, the good the bad and the ugly, and sometimes you go for it….saying Bis-mil-llah! But again, you return to that vision of you departing to somewhere afar..

You ask yourself why

Why you don’t care?

Or just care-too-much?

Out of all the fards this one is the hardest the biggest test compared with the rest. You make du’a, but how sincere is it really if your using the word “if” where is the yakeen? You call out to Al- Kareem…just bless me in it and make me wear it, if  You do I’ll worship you in the best of ways. Then I ask myself why, checking my du’a, what did I miss? Only to realise Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى need my worship, but I need his!

You ask yourself why

Why you said goodbye to the Hijab?

The question itself hurts but the answer may not…

Did you ask yourself why you never answered it?

 

Najma

person jumping photo
Photo by Fröken Fokus on Pexels.com

A wonderer a wayfarer, a stranger a friend.

A sister in deen and a companion for life.

She only plans for the day because she knows-knows we don’t hold the key to the future,
Fearful of her prayers she keeps her times prompt, always present where and when she needs to be, like a calm ticking clock never failing to stop …courageously ticking, carrying on each blessed day.

Whatever the day, week or month ; she is a fighter and will come out on the other side, having just taken on life’s hurdles in her stride! But never would u know because it doesn’t show, unless she has enclosed herself within four walls, to recharge her soul and come back to this world…

She enjoys different flavours from around the globe, easily pleased by a colourful array of flowers or a spicy plate of India’s finest! She sometimes passes time indulging in the natural things in life, like-honey, dates, spices and pure cotton fabrics!
A smile meets her face so easily and yet can fade as easy as it comes..

Simple is her surname, almost complicatedly simple if u could describe her in such a way. But a pure simplicity, that shines through: yet she doesn’t even know she has it, lighting up the world as she walks, step by step, humbly to her destination(s)……
Not knowing what each day will bring, still her suitcase is packed ready for survival. Up north or south it’s really all the same: a temporary home while she waits patiently, for her abode.

A wonderer a wayfarer, a stranger a friend.

A sister in deen and companion for life.

In this dunya I hope to blessed by her presence & her strong smile. When our moments are meant I always look forward to them, awaiting her presence like a restless child; in hope she will light me up with that torch she secretly carries and I’ll be lit- once more.
Hiding back those emotions, hardships and pains because she knows that’s her Lord’s affair and who is the best disposer of affairs other than Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى

She knows.
She understands.
She practices the secret….
To cry to Allah and Allah alone.

A beautiful patience that I’d yearn to have and May Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى bless her in it because she is made for this world in such a unique way, that I can’t say, I could ever be Her. Even if I gave it 100%!

A stray soul embracing this harsh world , detached from materialism and ready so ready to leave when her Rabb calls……

How envious I am but still I pray for her because truly beautiful people deserve to be prayed for.

A stranger walking a familiar path, a patient ticking clock, changing between lanes:
fast and slow and sometimes just-the-middle, can’t always catch her and when she’s gone she leaves a mark, a positive spark maybe even a contagious laugh, that you can’t help but smile……and remember.

As much as I’d love her to stay I’d like to ask selfishly for more if I may,
…to meet u in the Akhira, where our moments are not so temporary but instead everlasting إن شاء الله in that beautiful abode you’ve been longing for
Ever–since–I’ve–known–U……
Jannah  
💜

Ameen ya Rabbul Alameen

Noor x

The Piece

I once shattered into a thousand pieces

And one piece fell far away,

ruining the imperfect beautiful me,

When I tried to piece myself back up-it just wasn’t the same,

I was not the same.

Eventually that missing piece replaced itself with a scar on my heart,

And lead me to search for a cure…

A cure that could cure the heart? Seemed Impossible,

But  I couldn’t just be this imperfect mess now ruined with a missing piece of “myself”,

I had to find that piece, that broken piece,

although it shattered with the rest it fell afar and lost itself in a mind of its own,

I wasn’t able to find it again, pick it up and glue back all the pieces.

How I longed to do that and just “carry on”.

Something had changed permanently in me-

That missing piece of my heart.

What was that piece?

Where was that piece?

Who was that piece?

It was God. Allah سبحانه و تعالى

My Rabb. My Wali. My Nur. My guide. ..

MY PIECE!

Now I realise that piece losing itself was no accident,

I was never meant to find that piece because it was meant to be replaced with a greater peace, the greatest peace high above anything else that could mend all the shattered pieces.

الحَمْد لله‎‎

I learnt something that day:

“Being an imperfect mess can lead to a peaceful perfection (within yourself),

you start to accept your true identity and mine happened to be scarred with Allah!